Now
that a little time has elapsed, since the shocking events of the US
elections, it is perhaps time to reflect on those events. Consequently I feel
it is important to share the moving words below.
I have been trying to comfort a dear friend who has the misfortune to live in Florida! She is half Cuban, is an MS comrade and shares my liberal/socialist tendencies. The poor girl is beside herself with grief at recent events. She and her (largely Hispanic) friends, are trying to find solace wherever they can.
She forwarded me the email below, which is really rather beautiful. It certainly touched me deeply, and reminds me that not everyone in America is busy polishing an AK-47 that is stashed it in the garage.
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Who do I want to
be in this situation?
Dear Ones:
Good
morning.
As
Beyonce once sang, "We woke up in the kitchen, saying 'How the hell did
this shit happen?'"
Oh baby.
I did not want this outcome. I did not expect
this outcome. I did not in any universe imagine that this outcome ever could
have occurred — and the fact that I did not imagine it as possible means that
clearly I have been out of touch with the hearts and minds of millions of my
fellow Americans. I cannot say that I understand them. I certainly don't agree
with them. And yet this is the world we wake up to today.
OK.
Every single day, you must face whatever world
you have woken up to — whatever that may be. That's the only world you get. You
must start there.
Let me tell you what happened in our home last
night.
I settled in with Rayya, to watch the returns —
relaxed and certain that we were about to watch a historic and joyful moment:
The election of the first woman to the presidency of the United States of
America. Then it all started to slide. Then came the stress. Then came the
growing anxiety. Then the panic started. Then: FLORIDA. (Always Florida. What
are we gonna do with you, Florida?) Everyone I follow on Twitter was suddenly
hysterical. Text messages of horror started flying around across the world.
(Never have I seen so many "WTF's" fly across the screen of my
phone.) The global financial markets began to collapse. Foreign leaders started
losing their cool.
Around
11pm, I found myself in this state: Huddled on the couch in the fetal
position, clutching a pillow, eyes wide, speechless, paralyzed with fear.
That's never good, right?
I've been there before, and that is NEVER
good.
At that moment, I closed my eyes and asked
myself to observe what was going on my physical body — my animal body. What I
felt was a sickened stomach, shaking hands, a clenched chest, shallow
breathing, a wild and uncontrolled mind, and an elevated heart rate. This is
exactly what happens to an animal when it is being hunted.
At that moment, I asked myself, "Is this a
helpful response, Liz?"
Nope.
If I believe that I am here to serve the world
(and I DO believe that I am here to serve the world), then how does it help
anyone if I am feeling and acting like a hunted animal? Answer: It doesn't
help. Feeling hunted and trapped doesn't serve me, and it doesn't serve anyone.
This is when Rayya and I made a decision to turn
off every single electrical device in the house and GET REAL. We stepped away
from the television, from the social media, from the phones. Because we knew
that RIGHT NOW, we needed to find calm. These are the moments when it's time to
find out who you really are — and who you can really be.
We lit a candle, sat with each other in quiet
prayer for a while, and then we each asked aloud the big question: "Who do
I want to be in this situation?"
This is a question that we ask in our house a
lot these days. This is a question Rayya has taught me over the years to always
ask myself, when shit goes down, or when the world goes crazy, or when the
panic starts to rise: "Who do I want to be in this situation?"
This is the question that Rayya and I asked of
ourselves six months ago, when the doctors found signs of tumors on Rayya's
pancreas and liver, and it didn't look good. I remember the day she went in for
her CT scan, to confirm just how bad the situation really was. We woke up that
day in a panic. We were both experiencing the standard human response to scary
situations. We were undone. We both felt like: "We are terrified and
anxious, and we will be terrified and anxious until we find out the results of
this CT scan. We will not be at peace until we know what's going on. And if the
results are horrible, we will totally fall apart."
But then we stopped, checked ourselves, and we
asked, "REALLY?"
Was that true? Was it true that we could not be
at peace RIGHT NOW — even if we didn't know the outcome, or even if the outcome
promised to be horrible?
So we got really quiet that day, and we each
asked: "Who do I want to be in this situation?"
The answers came, same as ever:
Calm.
Strong.
Open-hearted.
Curious.
Generous.
Wise.
Brave.
Humorous.
Patient.
Once we answered that question, we found our
peace. Because THAT PART was up to us — who we would decide to be, regardless
the outcome. And once we found our center again, we were able to walk into that
hospital with relaxed breathing, clear eyes, steady hands, and resolute hearts.
We were able to find peace BEFORE we even knew the results. And a few days
later, the results came: CANCER. Not just any cancer, but terminal cancer! But
by that time, we were were at peace. We were ready, because we knew who we
were. And once again, facing this difficult situation, the only question on the
table became, "Who do I want to be in this situation?"
That is the only question that EVER really
matters.
I insist that we can learn — with practice — how
to choose our emotional state in all situations. This has to be true. If this
isn't true, then we are TRULY AND THOROUGHLY FUCKED — because our state of
being is literally the only thing in this world that we can control.
This is not denial. This is not complacency.
This not me cheerfully saying, "Oh well! I'm sure everything will be
fine!" Sometimes things are not fine. Sometimes the diagnosis is terminal
cancer. Sometimes the dark forces win. Sometimes the outcome is dreadful.
But all our practices in peace and grace and
equanimity and courage are for TIMES LIKE THESE — for times when you do not get
the outcome that you want. This is when it matters. When the shit goes down,
and the shit goes wrong, and when the shit gets real — that's when the shit
gets interesting. That's when the test comes: Who will you be now? Right now. Right
this moment. Because that's the only part that is up to you.
So last night, Rayya and I decided to go to
sleep without waiting up to find out who won the presidency. We decided to keep
the phones off, and the TV off. We decided to step away from the burning
vehicle of global panic. We decided that — when the world is trampling itself
in a stampede of fear and anger — we will not join the stampede. In the same
way that we decided six months ago to find peace in our hearts BEFORE we got
the biopsy results, we decided last night to find peace in our hearts BEFORE we
got the election results.
We prayed and mediated and coached each other
through until our hearts and minds and bodies were at peace. Then we woke up to
THIS world, and the same question as ever: "Who do I want to be in this
situation?"
Calm.
Strong.
Open-hearted.
Curious.
Generous.
Wise.
Brave.
Humorous.
Patient.
Decide who you will be today, Dear Ones. RIght
now. DECIDE. You can do this. This is what all your training and practice has
led you to. Show the people around you what a calm and peaceful strong mind
looks like. (Trust me, they need it. They already know what a panicked mind
looks like; show them what a calm mind looks like.) Ask yourself again and
again who you want to be, and believe that you can be it.
Nobody gets to take your emotional state away
from you, unless you give it to them.
This is how you lead. This is who you are. This
is how you BE.
Here we go.
ONWARD,
LG
LG